Sex and satay (yes, really)
Thursday, February 24, 2011 at 7:18AM 
I have often heard people say that bad sex is worse than no sex at all. I think the same applies to satay.
Hear me out.
It may not apply to blokes but, generally speaking, a girl’s libido diminishes the longer it has been, over time we tend to stop thinking about it so much. But as soon as we are reminded of how good it is, or how good it could be, we find ourselves craving it again.
I have the same problem with food.
A few weeks ago I went out for a friend’s birthday at a Thai restaurant which until that occasion I would have highly recommended to anyone. Now I would do so with a word of caution: it can be hit and miss. Unfortunately, the kitchen did not stand up to the pressure of a Saturday night. Dishes I had ordered previously were not up to standard, and this was particularly disappointing when I had suggested them to my friends.
The worst was the ‘chargrilled chicken satay with spicy peanut sauce’. I put the name in inverted commas because it was neither chargrilled nor spicy. Even McDonalds does a better job of pretending to grill chicken. Those soft and tepid chicken pieces had never been near a grill, let alone charred on one.
There was a similar problem with the not so spicy peanut sauce. It was not so hot either. I have been served wok-fried peanut butter in a restaurant before, but it had at least been introduced to a flame. I’m not being fussy here, even if there was only time for a quick spin in the microwave, it would still have been better than serving it cold. Not so saucy.
I rarely order satay out because it is almost always a disappointment, especially if you have ever made your own. So why on earth did we order it? Sadly, I must admit it was on my recommendation. A few months earlier in the same restaurant my friend had ordered it as a starter to share. I have to admit I was sceptical, but I kept my mouth shut because I know I am a food fascist and I do try to keep it under wraps. And I’m glad I did because it was delicious, but it was an entirely different dish.
"Same same, but different."
Shamefaced and far from satisfied it was time to revisit Charmaine Soloman’s Malay beef satay, only with chicken. For the record, satay refers to the grilled skewers, rather than the sauce, although the word has come to define the dish as a whole. I have played about with the measurements in Soloman’s recipe, but it is essentially the same.
Of course, you can substitute the chicken for any meat or fish you fancy. My (Indonesian) friend, Jesita, says “in Indo they skewer everything: rabbit, cow’s tongue, engagered species of porcupine. You name it, yum yum!”
The sauce recipe is my own. It is based on trial and error ...and driven by an insatiable appetite. A good peanut sauce takes time and dedication, but it is worth the effort. A good peanut sauce is hot and spicy. A good peanut sauce involves pounding and grinding. A good peanut sauce requires real nuts. No shortcuts or quick fixes, you will only regret it later.
Yes, really.
Malay chicken satay, based on Charmaine Soloman’s Satay Daging
Serves 4 as a starter
Ingredients
500g chicken breast, sliced into cubes (approximately 3 cm)
1 ½ tsp turmeric
1 ½ tsp cumin, toasted and ground
1 ½ tsp fennel, toasted and ground
Zest ½ lemon
½ tsp salt
2 tsp white sugar
4 tbsp thick coconut milk
Method
Combine the spices, lemon zest, salt, sugar and coconut milk in a bowl and stir to dissolve the sugar. Add the chicken and leave to marinate overnight (or for at least two hours).
Thread the chicken onto (bamboo) skewers, about four or five cubes on each, leaving at least half the skewer uncovered; you should have enough for eight skewers.
Grill on a BBQ, grill plate or under a pre-heated oven grill for approximately 5 minutes on each side.
Serve immediately with the spicy peanut sauce.
Spicy peanut sauce
Ingredients
150g dry roasted peanuts, unsalted
1 tsp coriander seed, toasted
1 stalk lemongrass
2 cm piece fresh ginger, peeled and finely sliced
2 shallot, finely sliced
1 clove garlic, finely sliced
½ red chilli, or to taste
3 tbsp peanut oil
1 tbsp wet tamarind
1 tbsp palm (or white) sugar
2 tsp soy sauce, or to taste
2 tsp fish sauce, or to taste
150-200ml water
Method
The peanuts should be golden in colour. If not, put them in the oven on a baking tray for 10 minutes, tossing occasionally.
Crush all but a handful of the peanuts in a mortar and pestle until you have a smooth paste. Add the last handful and crush gently so that you have some chunks in your paste. Scrape into a separate bowl and put aside.
Grind the toasted coriander seeds in the mortar. Trim the lemongrass of its outer layer and finely slice the white end, discarding the green stalk. Add to the mortar along with the ginger, shallot, garlic and chilli and grind to a smooth paste.
Heat the oil in a wok or fry pan over a medium heat. Add the paste and fry for a minute or two, stirring constantly, until fragrant. Add the peanuts, tamarind, palm sugar, soy and fish sauce. Cook for a few minutes longer, adding water, as necessary, until you have the consistency you want.
The sauce can be made in advance and reheated when the skewers are ready. If you are doing this, add less water when you first make it, so that you can adjust the consistency when you are reheating the sauce.
Reader Comments (10)
Brilliant. I love a good scathing review. Have I told you lately you do scathing well? More more scathing please. Your satay sauce looks delicious but I do not have the time to grind nor pound (not even my husband).
The worst satay I ever had was from a Chinese shop, it was neither nutty nor tasty. It was more like a funny tasting curry (you could taste the powdered curry) and an unusual shade of yellow. And it contained raw onion and pineapple (!). I couldn't even eat it (and that says something for me).
Speaking of eating everything in site. Ever since the earthquake I can't stop eating. Thank fully I have rekindled my love for san choi bao, and even made it from (almost) scratch last night for dinner. I also made burritos, pikelets with honey and natural yogurt and finished them off by inhaling a kilo of grapes.
Perhaps I should put more effort into sex and less into satay?
Pineapple! I assume the offending condiment was purchased in a Chinese shop in NEW ZEALAND?!
I have read that it is much easier to write a scathing review than a complimentary one. I agree that rude adjectives certainly flow more readily. A.A. Gill has often been criticised for looking for faults to this end, but he hardly needs to. Who else could think to liken a saffron risotto to "dust and closed jewellery boxes". So evocative. Anyway, most people prefer reading scathing reviews, don't they? So it is probably just as well... ;)
Mmm, san choi bau...
I think you maybe right about the craving. I had my first proper Thai meal last night for sometime( as opposed to the green curry packet variety which is one of my at home standbys).Spice I am -Wentworth St ,Sydney. Soft shelled crab, steamed fish in banana leaf,green mango salad and crsipy pork belly .Flavours exploding in the mouth.Wonderful.My friend Sara reckoned it was "Blue Ginger " ( as in Balmain restaurant) quality at a fraction of the cost. The only disappointing dish was the LARB. Very bland.So I'll be testing your recipe some day soon.
I think Spice I Am is better than Blue GInger! Although to be fair, I haven't been to Blue Ginger in several years, so I may be wrong. That is a pity about the larb. I have never ordered it there because it is something I make reasonably frequently, but the soft shell crab with green mango salad is my favourite dish - YUM!
I love satay but have to say I usually go the short cut route and use peanut butter. This recipe sounds delicious and I'm sure it's worth the effort.
Hi Corina, I am glad you like the sound of the recipe. I definitely recommend trying it out sometime!
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